time for a laugh

A little boy asked his father "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? "
Father replies "I don't know son, I'm still paying! "

Ain't that the truth

I sent my picture to a lonely hearts club last week.

They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely

Lol - that's why I'm not married (that and I don't see the point in a religious ceremony where I swear before "God" to love this woman till the end of my life. I don't need that, I do that anyway!)

The Traffic Warden’s funeral
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden’s funeral a voice from inside screams "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters
"Too late pal, the paperwork’s already done"

Phoned my work this morning and said "Sorry boss, I can't come in today, I have a wee cough."

Boss says "You have a wee cough?"

I said "Really, Cheers boss, see you next week."

Last time I did it, they phoned agency later on to tell them to fire me .

But.... dilligaf didn't like it anyway.

Try ringing a company at random and tell them you aren't coming in